Peace is a skill
Occasionally when things get really noisy or chaotic, my six-year-old will suddenly sit down wherever she is, fold her legs, hold out her hands in a receiving position, and just find her yoga zen.
She breathes deeply, closes her eyes, tunes out everything but her inner self.
The most recent incident was in the midst of an outdoor Cub Scout award ceremony with 80 elementary-aged children and their younger siblings running around a park pavilion. A fellow parent walked up, pointed incredulously at her, and asked, “is she really meditating in the middle of all this?”
Yes. Yes, she is.
Because chaos doesn’t ask for permission to happen. It shows up all around us, every day. For grownups, maybe it’s the constant ping of our inbox or the room mom group chat on our phone. For kids, maybe it’s a hard assignment at school or a playground that is a little bit too noisy.
If you run a business, the chaos seems constant. You are at once brand manager, marketer, and business doer. There’s always a new fire to be put out.
Peace is the presence of something steadier underneath even while chaos happens around you.
Chaos will always find you
We tend to treat chaos like an interruption rather than the state of being human. It’s often not something that derails the plan, it is the atmosphere in which the plan has to happen. It’s woven into growth and every worthwhile thing that you build.
Sometimes chaos looks like the client that doesn’t show up at the last minute. Or the event that needs a menu change the morning of because the plantains didn’t come in. (True story.)
You cannot chaos-proof your life or your business.
What you can do is to decide ahead of time, how you are going to meet it when it inevitably arrives.
Peace is a practice, not a personality trait
There’s a myth that some people are simply “calm people” and others aren’t, as though serenity and harmony are not attributes that can be cultivated. Peace is not something you’re born with or without.
Like my daughter discovered, peace can be a practice that you bring anywhere you go.
My witty great-granny Johnson used to say, “Bought sense is the best sense if it doesn’t cost too dearly.” That is to say, that anything can be learned, but it often comes at the price of a life lesson.
Peace is certainly that way. It can be cultivated just like any other skill. And while it is often learned while the pressure is hitting, it can also be practiced in the smaller moments too.
It looks like…
Stating clearly what actually matters most to the event, to the moment, or to you. Not renegotiating your values in real time. Sometimes, that requires reminding clients what they wanted in the first place. It’s okay to bring back their own words!
Having rhythms in your day that leave space for movement – that is to say, that your day can have a steady cadence but also be nimble to where change needs to happen. (Sometimes that looks like a 10:30 yoga class instead of the 8:30.)
Choosing your response after a thoughtful pause, rather than defaulting to your emotional first reaction. (Whew is that a hard one!)
None of these practices mean that you won’t feel the chaos. Sometimes you won’t be able to tune it out. We don’t all have the luxury of simply retreating to our zen place.
But it will keep the chaos from steering your boat.
At the center of peace is self-awareness
In my experience, people who get swept away into chaos often are drawn there by responding to the energy level at which it hits. It’s urgent, important, transformative, and needy.
You cannot stay steady in a storm if you don’t understand yourself or your place within the organization. Whether you’re the chief executive of a small business or the chief mom of a small family unit, if you don’t understand who you are and the role you play, you will have limits on your ability to respond.
Imagine you’re a mom who gets hit by your 10-year-old at 9 pm the night before with the bomb that their science project is due tomorrow. (You can also substitute this example with “your boss hits you with a major project that’s due tomorrow!” The same principles still apply.)
Ask yourself these questions (frequently):
What genuinely matters to me? (In this example, maybe it matter more that your child learns a lesson about procrastination. Maybe it matters more that they maintain a good grade. Maybe it’s an opportunity for them to practice accountability by asking the teacher for an extension, knowing there will be a penalty.) By asking this question about values ahead of time, you’ve already defined the direction in which you are willing to respond. Even better if your child (or boss) knows that this is the ground on which you stand.
How much energy and effort am I willing to throw into this chaos? Sometimes, you’ve had a good day, and you’re ready to buckle down and jump in. Other times, it’s just not possible to fight the winds of chaos. Knowing ahead of time where you are sitting each day, and being aware of your energy level throughout the day is a skill you can PRACTICE before the chaos hits.
What does “enough” look like? It’s quite easy for the chaos to create a finish line that just keeps moving. There can be a big difference between “looks like a graduate level presentation” and “good enough to squeak through 4th grade.” There may be times where the “enough” needs to be more – but don’t assume that it’s always got to be your 100% effort. Sometimes, it’s okay to only give the chaos your 80%. (Sorry, my perfectionists, I know this one hurts your hearts!)
How will you recover once the chaos has stopped? Energy is a finite resource. If we are not pausing in the times when things are more steady to do the things we need to recharge ourselves, we’ll never be able to give ANY energy to the chaos. Maybe it’s as small as grabbing that cup of Starbucks on the way to work after school dropoff. Maybe it’s a night out with your girlfriends to complain about last-minute school projects or tough bosses. Maybe it’s hitting a bucket of balls on the driving range. Whatever you need, take the time to take it. Otherwise, the chaos will feel unrelenting.
When you know the answers to these questions about yourself both generally and in the moment of crisis, you have information instead of an identity crisis. And people will respond in kind. You become a person who is know for recognizing when a hard week is a hard week. You have a center to which you can return, and the center doesn’t move just because the chaos hit.
Stillness is not the opposite of ambition
One more myth worth mentioning: that peace and drive can’t coexist. Let’s be honest, we often get a mental picture of a yoga mat-carrying hippie who coasts through life when we visualize the word “peace”. And that just because you want to grow something meaningful, it has to come at the cost of burnout.
Some of the most ambitious, high-capacity people I know are also the most grounded. Their stillness sits in harmony with their ambition. They are able to climb and strive and do, while also staying true to their centers.
They build things that last for 30 or 40 years because they are never building from a place of scramble.
Clarity and calm exist during the chaos as much as they do outside of it. They are tools that help you move through it, with your judgement intact and your priorities firmly in place.
I love bringing the calm and the clarity
If you’ve read this far and been nodding along, I’ll say that my daughter comes by finding her zen honestly.
One time, I was working on site at the office of one of my long-term clients, a company that ran large-scale air shows. An angry customer had called in, demanding their money back for the VIP experience that they felt wasn’t good enough.
I listened. I repeated what I heard them say. I spoke in a warm, calm tone. I walked the customer through what we expected our VIP experience to be, placing us both on the same side of agreeing that we had missed the mark that year for them.
The customer stopped yelling, moved out of the chaos, and stepped into a place where they could be at peace again to enjoy something they loved – watching airplanes. They withdrew their request for a refund. They returned as our guest for the next show and had a delightful time.
Because the secret is, no one actually wants to live in the chaos.
So if you’re craving someone who can help bring clarity and a little bit of calm to the chaos of running your business, give me a call.
I’d be happy to find you (and your clients) the stillness they deserve.
XO,
Laney